But most importantly, i am so glad i documented all of my feelings, even though some are pretty stupid and sounds like just me rambling about my own problems but it was part of me growing up, and i really like the way i write to encourage myself. Well, i've been gone for 3 years and none of my feeling was documented and now looking back i have tonnes of thoughts i want to get it documented.
First of all, i am writing this post in my temporary hotel in Paris. Why am i ended up here? I was transferred by my company to work in Paris, with everything covered! How good is that? Yeah it was really a great opportunity, never in my mind would i have thought i would live in Paris. The past 3 years wasn't easy for me, i have lots of ups and downs and one of the few incidents was how i lost the opportunity to work overseas last year, i thought i was the best in the team and there is no reason they would not choose me but i was too naive. i had a really hard time picking myself up, i would tear every single time i talk about it even though i acted as if it was nothing. i doubt if i should keep the faith of working hard because clearly working hard and being the best performer in the team cannot really compare with what luck does.
Then i got transferred to another department 6 months after the incident. it was a relief for me because after what my managers did, by seeing her everyday just reminded me how hard the incident hit me and i will never be moving on if i stay. i came to the new department without any expectation at all, i was already broken, how much worse would i be. but soon enough i found myself start loving the job, i feel finally someone understands me, the environment is so vibrant and everyone is talking about ideas and improvements, and i love it! i slowly become motivated at work and becoming more open, i just can't wait to go to work everyday!
Fast forward to another 6 months, i have also managed to complete my project and gotten my promotion. it was such a great sense of achievement for me, not only that everyone was impressed with my presentation, they saw the great value i brought with the completion of my project and at the same time i am also doing very well in my new job. i gone through a total 6 interviews getting drilled on different topics and the day when i passed my promotion after presented my project, i was just spacing out and don't want to talk to anyone. i was thinking if this was a blessing in disguise because everything happened around me was so good, and i am feeling so grateful for that! i still remembered back in those days when i was down, i am always doubting if everything happen for a reason. i even have this reminder quote from Dalai Lama written somewhere
"Remember that sometimes not getting what you want is a wonderful stroke of luck"
telling myself that, maybe what i want just not meant to be because i seriously got more than what i thought! i have a job that i love, i am well paid and most importantly i have great people around me, that is all i would ask for. i strongly believe this is my wonderful stroke of luck.
but the story doesn't end there. i have already given up my oversea dream and ready to settle down in Malaysia for good, i figured it out at the end of the day, it's the people who you work with matter the most, they are the one who add meaning to your day to day life. trust me, i have worked with shitty people, you just don't learn anything from them. just when i was enjoying my time here, i was presented with the offer to work in Paris. Guess what i accepted the offer and here i am! (of course, else i wouldn't be writing here.)
A lot of people have been telling me how lucky i am, yes i am lucky i admit this has nothing to do with capabilities. but somehow i don't feel this is my wonderful stroke of luck, i am grateful to have the opportunity but i was happy in my old place too, without this opportunity, i am still gonna be happy with where i am. then i finally understand the reason behind everything happened, without going through the process of disappointment, the process of getting up and keep fighting i wouldn't transform to who i am today. my inner paradigm completely shifted now and i no longer the low self esteem girl that who always crave for attention, who always seeking for approval. i don't know how it happened, there was just this one day that i realize how much i appreciated myself for coming so far, i started to talk good things to myself, the self assertion i gained was a whole new level of me. and honestly i liked this version of myself, more than ever!
Till then, ciao ciao.
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Spot the rainbow, can you? |