Sunday, October 17, 2010

Insane blog

I am so stress, yet I wanna score high marks, yet I still wanna work, yet I still need money.
I need a place to whinge, I need a place to release my stress and my anger.
Ya, I really angry about something right now. How do you guys vent your anger actually?
In my case, when I pissed off by someone else, I would write anything to him/her, I would say anything that hurt our relationship, I would do anything to make me feel better. But, after I got better, I would regret for everything that I've done. That's me.

I have been facing this problem for years, but the only solution that I find out is just avoid to be angry.
But we only angry about something that we really care right? Then I should avoid to have something really care. Of course, except my family who always my priority and I would never hurt them with anything.
Apart from my family, I have to discard everything that I care in order not to hurt them by hurting myself more. Especially friends, I'll do all I can to fulfilled their wish, if they wish me to hanging out with them I'll say yes, cause I'm afraid they not gonna call me next time even when I really reluctant to go out. They wish me to accompany them, then I'll be glad to do so. Cause seems like I am important for them. I'll reply every of their messages and their calls, carefully and sincerely. But I lost myself eventually. I don't even know the purpose that I'm doing is my own intention or just for the sake of our friendship.
There was once I remembered the most what my primary school teacher comment in my transcript, she said I got no my own point of view at all. I not happy with what she wrote, I kept denying it until these years, I have realized how I got affected by this sentence.
Fortunately, I am awake. I know what I've got, I know what should I do. I've learnt how to say NO to friends. My phone is no longer 24 hour on call, no longer messaging in long sentence, no longer need to be felt important.
I am sorry if I didn't pick up your phone call, because I often silent it cause just wanna keep out of disturbance.
I am sorry if I didn't reply you politely, I am not intended, I just too lazy to texting.
I am sorry if I keep rejecting to hanging out with you, I just simply don't feel like hanging out.
This is more to me I guess. Somehow I wish I could more straight forward in reality.
Been tired of taking care what people feel yet they don't even care about how you feel.
I'm just so tired.



p/s: Just a piece of insane blog, was out of control my feeling. If you feel bad then just ignore it. Thank you.

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