Friday, April 13, 2012

Am I over confident now?

Obviously I didn't do what I promised. I promised to write more yet it's been half a month since last post. Seriously I've been in a mess.

A lot of works coming in all at once, tests, thesis, works, and etc. I don't multitasks, perhaps I should say I don't know how to multitask. I always have problem with concentrating, I'd never really listen in my lectures, most of the time my mind drifting away at the very first 10mins and hop on hop off after that. I always wanted to study especially my freaking hard major, I always ended up at something else either reading or surfing. Then wasted the time. I guess I would never learn not to procrastinate huh?

The crazy workload had really getting me more impatient. I find myself couldn't tolerate with people at all and it's irritating, even to myself. I find it has something to do with confident. Perhaps I am over confident. Nearly transforming to cocky. There are symptoms:

1) I've no longer willing to listen to others because I have too much things to say.
2) I fought back with people who do not agree with my decision, simply say, I think my decision always the right one.
3) I got angry with the person who do not reached my expectation, and do not consider their situation.
4) I treat people with the way they treat me, if you didn't reply my text, okay, I won't as well.

The worst of all is that, I couldn't listen to others. There are times that I seem listening, but in fact I'm only hearing. There are voices in my head that even speak louder than what I'm hearing. I don't fight back sometimes because I have had the conclusion in my head and judging the person like nobody. See, it's terrible right? I think I have an evil mind that keep fighting with my heart, my heart telling me not to do it and my mind saying 'Go ahead!'. I'm just like a puppet that manipulating by these two small creatures. :S

Luckily I am aware of it!
Thanks to my high self awareness. To be aware of your strength and weakness all the times is hard, because you are so comfortable being yourself that you do not want to change. 'This is who I am, I'm not myself anymore if I've changed.' The sentence that I've always heard people saying. But people do not know how wrong it sounds.

Being who you are is correlated to the environment around you, your family, your friends, your works, your colleagues and etc. To be yourself is not just about you, you are not living in your own planet, everything you do and say, leave a footprint on people's heart. You have the one you love and the one who love you, if today because of who you are had hurt them, do you think it's good to just be yourself? And you wouldn't want to tell a rapist 'just be yourself'', if so, the whole world would run into chaos!

I'm not asking you to be someone else either, the whole point is self awareness is very important to us, no matter which stage are you in right now. I'm grateful with this gift, which have keep me humble and patient all the time, though I don't think I am right now, but at least I'm pulling myself back to the track.

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