Wednesday, January 23, 2013

I am a sinner.

Hello! I am back.

I've been not writing ever since last post, I don't want to say that I was too busy to update because I wasn't, I just forgotten. Yeah, I forgot my passion on writing. I've been too caught up in the real world of making money, everyday what's in my mind was how to make more money and I no longer talk about my passion. It must have something to do with my job, somehow it has affected me. Needless to say the place that I work, surrounded by pretty, luxury, alluring clothes waving at me everyday, how would I not tempted to buy? Suddenly I am making a lot of excuses to turn my unnecessary to-buy-list to must-buy-list, suddenly I have such a lust to luxury brand and moaning has become part of my life.

When did I turn out to be such person? I am certain that every second of it I've never truly be happy. Impatient, grumpy, emotional has became words that describe me the best. I am losing myself, and I have to fight the way back.

You know what fear me the most? I am afraid of not being capable of realizing what I have became. Ever since year three in uni, I always thought my inner peace as a boundless calm of sea and no storm would ever cause chaos in my heart. A full bar of patient and gratefulness was the attitude that I always held tight on. But I was wrong, what a deeply mistake I have made on myself, insisting myself that I wouldn't change, wouldn't affected, until the moment people say I have, I still deny it. The moment I realised I wasn't a person that all the while I thought I am, I only feel shame.

I am a sinner now but give me chance to make it right, will you?

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