Wednesday, May 1, 2013

Take the leap of faith

I wonder if it really was my distrustful on others that make me who I am today. I never thought trust would be a big lesson for me but yes, it did struck me and right now I am stuck at here nowhere to go. Perhaps I was too trustful on other people and rely on them too much so when they started to do things that disappoint me, I get frustrated. Rather than saying people disappoint me perhaps I have took them for granted and expect things that they will definitely do for me. But that is not really the main thing, do you know what actually hurt the most? That you finally realise you only worth that little in their heart. You have overestimate yourself. For all the time I do feel that way, when I get along well with someone I'd really appreciate the relationship and be completely myself in front of them. So whenever my closest friend have something on their mind or not completely themselves in front of me I always can tell from their slightest face expression. Hence I expect them to do the same on me. Sometimes I do get frustrated and take them for granted because I expect them to understand without me telling, not every time I have to tell them the every details of the story and my feeling. Perhaps I have put too much trust on others and when they disappoint me I am just too afraid to trust them again.

You know when you have this kind of problem, you tend to doubt yourself, you tend to think it's your problem and thinking of thousand ways to improve yourself. When you finally doing it you just don't feel happy anymore because you are not being yourself so what's the point? Changing yourself so that others can live better? I'm not gonna do that. You are beautiful at your own way, you are even more beautiful than you think. So I'm not gonna change anything about myself anymore, I am done changing.

It is funny whenever there is an issue I am facing I was once quite certain it will not happened on me. I guess there are phases in life that you have to go through after all and other people just face it earlier. Life is a cycle, it will not complete if you missed out a phase. Take a leap of faith, continue your trust on people, trust yourself a bit more and it is going to be a worthwhile experience after all. As the say goes, if it's not happy ending, it's not the end yet.

Cheers for super gloomy doomy days!

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