Saturday, November 23, 2013

The blaming game.

It is towards the end of 2013 and I am feeling a lot more relief lately. Perhaps my sleeping problem is getting better now and it makes me feeling more grateful than I've ever experienced. I've tried plenty of methods in order to get my sleep back but none of them really works except only lasted for few days then the endless night hits again. When I was at the verge of giving up everything and tired of finding the solution anymore, I found that what really caused my sleeping problem is myself. I can't seem to get off from the thought that I can't sleep, even talking it right now still leave me with little fear but I can handle it better now. That anxiety and nervousness seems to even beat faster than my heart whenever I lay down on the bed every night, it literally beats at the same pace as if I just finished a full marathon.

Even though I knew what is the root of the problem but it is really hard to just take out the thought that have planted in my head for so long. It almost like a habit you own for years, you always know that is a cause for the problem but you don't know how to get it all off. But it all changed after I realised embrace and acceptance is what I really need to cope with it. I have very little tolerance at times, especially towards things that affect my right, like sometimes when people help me to decide what should I say, it pissed me off because it already deprived my voicing right. As for this incident, of course I'd think I have the right to sleep but who is the one that depriving my sleep? Yeah, I have blamed someone else for my problem too, but as soon as I noticed myself began to blame, I know the problem is come from me.

 It is always easy to blame others. Like the stranger's coffee spilled in your clothes on the way going to work or the unpleasant phone call/email you received in the early morning that just spoiled your mood for the whole day. OR is it really they spoiled your day or you spoiled yours? Most of the times we subconsciously let others control our behavior in life without bits of our realization. We allow others to decide what it's going to be for the rest of our day but we are still blaming others. Of course, you do not hold a responsibility to the coffee that spilled or the demanding customer's complaints but what I'm saying is we have a choice to choose either to hold it on for whole day or let it go isn't it? It is as simple as keep clenching or unclenching your fist.

The training I gone through the other day taught me a really good lesson. I always can't explain why I don't feel empathy whenever people get bully or go through unfair experience, I can't seem to relate not because I have never gone through but I just feel that we have a responsibility for that too. During the training my trainer ask: "When people treat you wrongly, did you say no? For cases like rape, molesting, bullying, first thing first the lawyer would ask the victim in the court, did you say no?". You might argue that even if we say no, the person will not listen anyway. But do you know that bully enjoy people's fearful face? I don't know what would happened if you say no but what I can be sure is that if you keep quiet they will definitely keep coming back to you. You teach them to treat you badly and you are not respecting yourself either.

We tend to keep quiet because we don't want troubles, as long as we don't say anything then we don't account for what happened, if anything happened to us, we'd still under victim category and that is safe enough for us. This has planted in our mind so immensely that even when something really bad happened, we don't know how to act anymore except keeping quiet because that's the safest thing to do. Playing it safe perhaps can save you some troubles but it's a habit that we are practicing to deprive our own right. So the next time when you received the same complaints again from your demanding customer or boss, you might want to voice out instead of blindly taking all in, of course it has to be done in a proper way or else it'd be resulting in a serious issue. If you insist to keep quiet, don't blame others for treating you badly because you teach them to.

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